Today, the internet brought me Dr. Kilmarnock's Obscure World of Victorian Erotica.

All tubes really do lead to porn.

Well, the school year is nearly over and I still have two major assignments unfinished. I know it will get done somehow, but today (facing only two days off before the deadline) I can't imagine how it will happen. And If you know me, you know I have a rich imagination.

The one thing standing between me and completing the course is being able to animate a bouncing christmas stocking... Fuck Flash in its stupid arse.

In other news, I lied about getting a fender bender to get out of work on Sunday and I really don't want to go back today. *frowny face*

Also, I used the Detect Location feature and it said I'm in Batesford. I don't even know where that is!

I should be animating a crying rabbit, but instead I am doing this.

Can you cook? I think it's fair to say 'yes'. anaiya will vouch for me, I hope.
What was your dream growing up? To work for ASIO. I can safely say that particular dream has been well and truly shitcanned.
What talent do you wish you had? The ability to stop boring conversations in their tracks.
Favorite place? Almost anywhere that I can see the ocean. And, conversley, the SkyHigh Observatory.
Favorite vegetable? I like frozen peas, but I like them better when they're cooked.
What was the last book you read? A Study in Scarley by Arthur Conan Doyle
What zodiac sign are you? Sagittarius
Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Pierced nose and ears, six tattoos.
Worst Habit? Biting my fingernails, followed closely by withdrawing emotioanlly from my loved ones.
Do we know each other outside of LJ? I stole this from a meme com, so I don't even know the person I stole it from on LJ.
What is your favorite sport? To play? Pub Pool. That's a sport, right?
Negative or Optimistic attitude? Optimism, for the most part.
What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me? Umm... Introduce myself?
Worst thing to ever happen to you? No major physical injuries, and I can't even bring myself to label mental illness as a 'bad' thing. Being bullied out my job by a psychotic bitch kind of sucked, though.
Tell me one weird fact about you: I get a peculiar rush from parking in 'no parking' zones.
Do you have any pets? A goldfish named Murloc.
Do you know how to do the Macarena? I really, really, do.
What time is it where you are now? 1453 hours.
Do you think clowns are cute or scary? Absolutely horrifying.
If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? I hate to go with a cliche, but I guess I'd be thinner. Or at least I'd have thinner wrists so I could by bangles. Fucking peasant bones. *gnaws arms*
Would you be my crime partner or my conscience? I like a bit of crime.
What colour eyes do you have? Hazel, I guess but they are green more often than not.
Ever been arrested? Nope.
Bottle or Draft? BEEER!!!!11!! I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!1!1!
If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it? Pay my parking fines.
What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew? Extra, although that's not really bubble gum.
What's your favorite bar to hang at? In the last couple of weeks I have spent an inordinate amount of time at the Sandringham Hotel, but if I had to choose it would be the beer garden at the Nott.
Do you believe in ghosts? Dude, it's not like Santa Claus - they exist whether I believe or not.
Favorite thing to do in your spare time? Teh Intawebs, of course. Also, I'm fond of getting naked.
Do you swear a lot? Like a sailor, but without the seasickness.
Biggest pet peeve? Cashiers who don't smile.
In one word, how would you describe yourself? Unusual.

Self-esteem is a misnomer. Your own perception of yourself is directly related to how other people see you and how you interact (successfuly or otherwise) with the other elements of your environment. Even the sturdiest ego is unlikely to survive constant bruising and battering.

Too often we walk away from a situation thinking "If only I was more intelligent, more determined, more beautiful, stronger, faster and more graceful; maybe, just maybe, I would have come out on top."

Well, today it wasn't a thinner, smarter, better version of me that succeeded. It was me - just me, the way that I always am.

Take that, life.

V,

I'm sorry that you got hurt, but you brought this on yourself. I told you that my hurt was irrelevent as long as you were happy. You were still miserable, and you were intent on dragging him down with you.

I don't think this will last forever, but I can make us both happy for now and he and I are in agreement that it will be enough.

A

I am once again proud, passionate and paid up. LJ has my monies and I can have all the userpics that my little heart desires.

Dear Hollywood,

I was thrilled to the very core by Victorian Style BDSM adorning the walls of my cinema. You clearly have the keys to my heart.

However, if you will refer to our previous correspondences (RE: Lord of the Rings), you will remind yourself that I am a purist in literary matters and if you could repair Mr Holmes to his previous misogynistic and more-than-likely-a-repressed-invert state immediately I would be set greatly at ease.

Additional info for the Master Downey: For the love of all that is good in this world, please don't let me down.

Yours Sincerely,

Me

You asked me today if I'm ok with you seeing him. I told you I was, but the honest answer was "I think I will be".

Turns out that I was wrong on both counts; I'm not and I won't ever be.

You told me "I'm just not that attracted to him" and "He's not my type" and "It's better if we're just friends". I nodded my head and said "I couldn't agree more".

When I started seeing him you said "Is it okay with you that he wanted me first?" and I was shocked - not because of your revisionist historical perspective, but because you actually believed what you were saying; that was the way you remembered it.

What you don't know and you can't remember is the way he looked at me at the cocktail party, when I was newly-blonde and feeling very insecure. What you never knew is that he remembered the dress when I wore it again to S's 21st - he told me I was beautiful and kissed me in the rain even though he knew nothing would come of it and he held my hand for the rest of the night. You've never seen him close his eyes when I sing and you've never seen him blush and turn away when I caught him watching me bend down to take a shot at the pool table.

I had his heart a long time before you did and I'll have it back again when you're done walking all over it.

If you were really my best friend you wouldn't have had to ask whether it was okay; you would have known that it wasn't.

You always have to take what's mine! My clothes, my money (and don't think for a second that I don't know that you've stolen from me), my dvds, my turns of phrase and my bits of trivia that you quote back to me incorrectly. You steal my stories and stupidly try to tell them back to me at a later time with someone else's name inserted into them. Couldn't you have just let me have this? Whether it was going to be a long-term relationship or just a timed stop on my bus route of a life, it was MINE. The time he and I spent together, the secrets we told and the way that he kissed me... All mine.

I can't stand the way that you always have to find a way to make me less special. It's not fair, and it's certainly not the act of a true and loyal friend. You are a petty, spiteful, greedy hypocrite and I hate to think what it says about me that I could call you a best friend.

I don't think I'm asking for too much; just a man who a) has no dark secrets and/or hobbies that I find morally objectionable and b) maintains impeccable grammar and spelling when sending dirty text messages. I don't know what the hell 'rollplay' is, but I don't think I'll ever engage in it with him.

Not just that, but I would really like some kind of exploding collar to keep me away from people who don't meet these basic criteria.

I just rediscovered my life and I'm already making an enormous mess of it. Please, please, someone help me?

EDIT: I'm so sick of reading code that I didn't pick up my mistake

This is my brother. He needs to win. Go and vote. Please.

Dear Russell T Davies,

If you were going to wind up Torchwood, would have mattered so much if perhaps you didn't kill Ianto? We, the people of the Doctor Who universe, would appreciate it if you could work a little jiggery-pokery on space and time and un-kill him?

Yours Sincerely,

A disgruntled (and hopeful) fan

Ok, so you know when you've been thinking something over for a long time - completely analysing it to death and you totally lose perspective? Then, the ultimate answer comes to you in a rush - one perfect moment of clarity where you regain the impetus to act?

It normally happens when you've been drinking; one of life's cruel jokes is to only grant you that kind of motivation when your superego is completely suppressed and you have no sense of what action is inappropriate.

So you do it.

"The hell with consequence!" Your drunken ego cries. "I want it! I'm going to have it!"

And then you wake up, hungover to hell.

It's been a while since I've done something this foolish and I've forgotten exactly how long the regret hangover is supposed to last. Any suggestions?

I never thought I'd say this, but I have had a gut full of html. Whoever invented this dastardly language can go straight to hell.

I have a class that is nothing except hand-coding. When I needed to learn html, I did it myself over the internet. That knowledge has stood me in good stead for the last 13-odd years and I don't seee why now I need to make table after list after table to demonstrate my knowledge. RPL ME BITCHES! *cries*

I might have given it to you once, but that was when I loved you. Now I'm taking it back, you bastard.

With only five weeks left to go before I am officially a student again, I called an unofficial holiday period. No reading, no cleaning, no studying...just Warcraft.

After a week of this I am incredibly bored. I never imagined I would get bored of doing nothing, but a sort of malaise has settled in... I can't quite describe it, but I will be glad when I have something to do.

...You really can't go home again. I noticed for the first time today that the service station where my grandfather had his heart attack (he died buying tobacco, I believe...how ironic) is now a designer boutique. I'm sure it's been gone for ages, but it only really sank in today and I'm sort of sad...besides being the scene of his untimely demise, it was also where he taught me about petrol and coolant and bought me sweets and showed me how to spin plain seed pods on the pavement.

The house where they lived is being painted up so my Uncle can sell it and give the money to his bratty, spoiled step kids. So are the other two houses he inherited from his step mother, for 'being the only one who she could depend on'. You should read that as: Abandoning his own mother to serve the whims of someone much wealthier.

Your childhood is a lot like that law of physics - about how observing something changes its nature: As soon as you can understand and question, it starts to fade away.

Fuck you, Harvey Norman.
Fuck you, KFC.
Fuck you, Red Rooster.
Fuck you, Melbourne Costume Hire.
Fuck you, Moving Angels.
Fuck you, recruitment man who told me that I wasn't suitable to be hairdresser but would I like to be a receptionist instead.
Fuck you, Telstra.
Fuck you, Club X.
Fuck you, shop who made me send an actual paper letter and then never even bothered to call.
Fuck you, Telemarketing firm who wouldn't even hire me to read a script.
Fuck you, Dick Smith.

A BIG FUCK YOU to the heinous bitch at Next Byte who raked me over the coals about why I left City Chic.

FUCK YOU Specialty Fashion Group for turning a blind eye to the completely unprofessional behaviour of one vile woman who was allowed to completely ruin my career.

FUCK YOU to the head case women who made it impossible for me to trust new colleagues, make new friends or look at myself in the mirror.